Looking After Your Face

Winter is peaceful, snowy, and also absolute hell anyone who has skin on their face (everyone, I think).  My own personal skin-face turns red at the slightest hint of mistreatment, as though it’s personally offended by the wind chill.  While windchill really is incredibly rude, my skin stays red and angry until I placate it with a series of rites involving moisturizing masks and warm face cloths.  

To be honest, I treat my skin like a fancy-ass princess.  Mostly because, frankly, my only route to fancy-ass princesshood is through a hot facecloth that I bought from the Winner’s sale section for $2.99.  On the other fancy hand, I do think that paying a reasonable amount of attention my outer coating (skin is weird, dudes) makes about a 20% difference in how my skin looks and feels. Let’s not kid ourselves – skin is more affected by Big Science Things like genetics and hormones than it is by patting some nice-smelling oils onto it.  That extra 20% better, though, combined with fancy-ass princess status, is enough for me.

Skincare is chic as hell right now.  I know this because I am a human on the internet, but I also read every beauty blog on the planet (particularly the ones that do not try to teach me eyeshadow, I will never understand eyeshadow, please stop trying to teach me).  People are getting chemistry about this stuff, and I have been reading up.  To save all y’all thirty years of reading, here’s a real basic evening routine that might just make your skin 20% better, and will definitely make you feel like a luxurious and expensive being (perhaps some kind of small well-groomed dog):

  1. Are you wearing makeup or sunscreen?  Use a greasy, oily cleanser on that business. Go right in on dry skin with something like Hylamide’s High-Efficiency Face Cleanser. Rub it all around and get a bit of a face massage going. 
  2. Get a facecloth, and run it under warm water until it’s totally soaked. Hold it up over your face and just press it to your skin for a second.  I always imagine my pores opening at this stage, and it’s very satisfying, but they do not actually do that. Pores are not doors, they do not open and close.
  3. Wipe all your cleanser / makeup off with the cloth.  
  4. You’re now ready for your second cleanse, angel! You thought you were done?  Heck no – a fancy princess does not stop after one cleanse. 
  5. You got your makeup and SPF off – now you need to clean your stretchy face balloon (how many horrifying euphamisms can I come up with for skin?).  Use a gel or milk cleanser at this point – I like CeraVe’s Hydrating Cleanser for this. Rub that all up on there.  At this point you can use the cloth again, but you can also just rinse the second cleanse off with lukewarm water.
  6.  Towel your face the tiniest bit – you want it still be damp, but not dripping.
  7. Get in there with an acid toner – I like Nip and Fab’s Extreme Night Fix Glycolic Pads.  Weird name, great product. Literally dissolves your dead skin cells and grime – it’s disgusting and satisfying and it tingles. 
  8. Follow that with a serum. If you’re like Girl WTF Is A Serum, don’t worry. Start with something like The Ordinary’s Hyaluronic Acid + B5. Hyaluronic Acid encourages skin to retain moisture by sucking in water molecules. It also promotes healing, so if you got some acne shit going on, HA is your friend. 
  9. Follow the HA with a water-based moisturizer, which is basically anything that’s not straight up oil.  Oil is chill, but your HA loses it’s effectiveness without water to yank into your skin.  If you have super dry skin, you can use an oil like Rosehip Seed Oil before your moisturizer.  I’m honestly not super precious about moisturizers – I just like some relatively light and not too scented. Right now, Clinique’s Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel is doing it for me.

That’s it!  I didn’t even make you do a face mask or a spray toner.  Doing all this stuff is fun for me, and makes me feel happy – I wouldn’t do it otherwise. Give it a go and see if you can unveil your inner glowing princelet – they might just decide to stick around for a bit and revel in your 20% better skin. 

i do not apologize for how terrifying this photo is

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